Just smile...

Those who have children know how unpredictable they can be. I have witnessed many meltdowns or tantrums in public and I am always quick to smile at the Mom and pass on the, "We've all been there." I am never bothered by a kid crying, or poking me and I have never thought twice when I see a parent holding a screaming child in a death grip in one arm while they try to buy their milk as quickly as possible and get out of there! Kevin and I struggled with worrying about what other people thought when Braelyn was still a toddler. We were involved in a committee that required both of us to be at lengthy meetings and we had to bring our child in tow. At the same time Kevin was also in a role in which he was often at Sunday sacrament meetings, sitting in the stand, and due to my work schedule he had Braelyn with him. We were always trying to keep her quiet, or telling her to stop bothering people, and apologizing for her until one day, the 1st counselor in the stake presidency told us to stop worrying about her. He said rather harshly that she was just fine and that she wasn't bothering anyone and we didn't need to fuss about it so much. He then kindly explained that when children are being children people don't care. And if someone does care, then we should remember that those kind of people don't matter, and their opinions shouldn't matter to us. He taught me such an important lesson that day, and I still have to remind myself that the way my children think I view them, and love them, is so much more important than what some stranger thinks of my parenting skills for a split second.

That being said my children hate the grocery store and it is often a struggle to get in, get done, and get out! They usually fuss whine then dump the candy I try to bribe them with on the ground, and I am usually sweating and muttering under my breath by the time we get to the car. So I was pleasantly surprised when Kevin offered to take both girls to get groceries one Saturday morning. I was thrilled! I didn't have to think of what to get for dinner, and I got to eat my cereal in bed while I watched E! uninterrupted. I love when I see daddys with kids at the store by themselves. I either think he is a great husband for giving his wife a break, or that he is a great dad who is doing what he has to do for his kids by himself. Apparently not everyone thinks this way, and feels they need to offer their opinion. Kevin was having a rough time keeping Braelyn wrangled in (not an uncommon thing for her, I think it is the lighting in Wal-mart, it makes kids crazy) and a lady shopper stopped them and told Braelyn she needed to learn some manners. Now I have to wonder, did she not have kids? Were her kids always perfect? And most importantly what did she think she was offering that morning to a dad who was trying his best, and a child who was obviously bothered by something? Did she go home and feel satisfied that she saved an unruly child from a life doomed to juvenile detention? Did she tell her friends that she showed a father who was so flawed in his parenting the way to be a perfect parent? Was her offering opinion her good deed to humanity that day? I can't speak for her, but I can attest to the fact that she caused an already frustrated dad to be more stressed and critical towards his child's behavior and his own parenting. She embarrassed a 3 year old, who didn't understand enough how rude and obnoxious the comment was, but who did understand enough that someone was being critical of her and telling her that she wasn't good enough in her eyes. And I can tell you that she should now look over her shoulder for the furious momma who is hoping I run into her in a dark alley so that I can give her the piece of mind and maybe my fist, for thinking she can speak to my family that way.

Now on the opposite side, I was again at the dreaded Wal-mart, picking up medication and Clorox wipes after feeling like walking death for 3 days, and with 2 kids who were hungry and ready for naps. I kept running into a man in the different aisles, and kept apologizing when the girls would dart in front of his cart or jump out from the paper towels next to him. About the 3rd time we saw him, he was standing in the cleaners aisle hollering that is shouldn't be so hard to find Lysol. I pointed him in the right direction and he thanked me profusely for helping him. We finished the rest of our shopping and ended up right behind this same man in the checkout line. He saw us and said, "Oh no, not you again." I told him he couldn't get away from us, and then we joked because we had both gotten toilet paper, Lysol, Clorox wipes and Lunchables which was a strange coincidence. I had picked up Lunchables that day because I was exhausted and needed something easy to fix, easy to feed themselves and easy to clean-up. Braelyn had enjoyed looking at all the different kinds and we had spent about 5 minutes deliberating before she picked the kind with a chocolate pudding while Berkley and I had gotten Skittles. She had then held onto her Lunchable the entire time and insisted on being the one to put it onto the checkout belt. As I watched this man pay for his purchases I realized we were short one pudding Lunchable. I told Braelyn she needed to put hers up there, and she told me she already had. I had the panic moment of a mother who can see the future in a second, when I pictured my afternoon ruined because we would have no pudding when we got home and 3-year olds do not forget! I was mortified as I stopped him and the cashier and explained what she had done and tried to explain why it was that I couldn't go home without it, and how difficult it would be to get back for another one. He quickly found the Lunchable in question but he already paid for everything, so I told him I would pay him for that one even though I knew I didn't have any cash in my wallet and would be lucky if I had enough dimes to cover the total. He told me quickly not to worry about it, that he would take care of it. Both he and the cashier were quick to show understanding about how difficult it is to handle a child who doesn't have what she expects. He told me he had no problem paying for that for us, and that I just had to promise to have a good day if he did. Anyone witnessing the exchange would have probably saw something insignificant in me worrying about having that exact Lunchable, or in him covering a few dollars, but to me his willingness to be kind in a moment that was a big deal to us meant more than anyone would know. To me it meant that a stranger saw me as a person, someone who was worth more than a few dollars to him. It showed Braelyn that even if she makes a mistake that someone will be there to hep her, without judgement or embarrassing scolding. It taught me to be quicker to offer a helping hand when I see someone with a need and more understanding of where they may be coming from. I will probably never see this man again but I will especially remember his kindness going into this season of giving. What a difference a person and a fleeting moment can make. I think I will take more time to realize the effect I can have on those around me. And next time you see me dragging a screaming child through the grocery store, you can just smile and think, "We've all been there."